Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode · 11 months ago

12 Traits of a Narcissistic Boss

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

There are bad bosses. The type that gets promoted without any managerial, interpersonal, or organizational skills. There are even scary bosses. The type that is unnecessarily threatening, overly aggressive, or ignorant to the point of causing others harm. But then there are the dark, sinister, or ominous bosses. This type is in a category all by themselves.

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...some abuses dangerously obvious. While other types of abuse creep into our family DNA in covert ways, keeping family secrets, intimidation, the silent treatment and cyber bullying are just a few examples of the many forms of abuse with troubling outcomes. Often victims ask why did this happen to me or what can I do while abusers will excuse their behavior, asking why do you make me do this, victims and abusers can rewrite their stories, improve their relationships and break the cycle for their future generations. In Christine Hammond's latest book, abuse exposed, you will learn the wide range of types of abuse, both overt and covert the generational links to abuse, what to do before, during and after abuse, how to confront your abuser, how to talk to a victim of rape, finding forgiveness despite the pain, how to rewrite your story and avoid future problems and much much more. Look for Christine Hammond's latest book abuse exposed now available on amazon, This is understanding today's Narcissist brought to you in part by psych central dot com and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. So one of my listeners wrote me an email about dealing with what we're going to call, like in this case a dark, sinister, ominous boss. And so this is a little bit different than A narcissistic boss. Think of like a narcissistic boss on steroids and so hopefully this will give you some idea of like what does this actually look like, what does it look like to be in a position where...

...you're dealing with someone like that? So 12 traits of a dark, sinister, ominous boss. So there are like bad bosses or worse bosses, the bad bosses. This type is the type that gets promoted without any real managerial interpersonal or organizational skills, they're even scary bosses. And this is the type that is unnecessarily threatening, overly aggressive or ignorant to the point of causing harm to others. But then there are these dark, sinister, ominous bosses there in a whole category, all by themselves. This boss looks great from the outside, they are so well dressed, they're groomed, they're incredibly charming and very smooth when they enter into a room, they naturally command all of the attention. All eyes watch for them for the slightest indication of what is to happen next. The boss is the predator and everyone in the room is pray, although they don't know it, waiting to see if there's going to be an attack. Yet. This boss shows absolutely no signs of what is to come with grace, poise and extreme confidence. This boss waits patiently until everyone else is at ease before they attack, after it's over the victim is demolished. The onlookers are fearful and the boss is weirdly happier. So no matter what the profession, if the boss has this personality combination, they are terrifying. It's called the dark to trod, which is composed of four parts narcissism. Machiavellian is um psychopathy and sadism. Sadism is the addition to the dark triad which has narcissism Machiavellian is um, and psychopath for either condition. This...

...means a person possesses the characteristics of all of these personalities. So let's start with a dark to trat. So the dark to trad shares to major characteristics, extreme selfishness in a complete lack of empathy for others. This combination affords the ability to cause harm and abuse others in a variety of ways. Without any regards for feelings, safety or morality of the victims. As bosses, they are focused on dominance and power and often use aggression, manipulation, exploitation and vindictiveness. All behavior for them is justified if it grants them what they want, which includes criminal behavior. Laws do not stop this boss from doing what they want and neither do the consequences. This boss will destroy whatever they have built if it means destroying others that they despise in the process, they are willing to do this because their arrogance is so potent that they believe they can rebuild anything including fortunes, power and influence. To understand why a person is like this requires an understanding of the parts that actually compose it. So we have first the narcissistic part. Narcissistic personality disorder is A. D. S. M. Five diagnosis. So generally speaking, they are superior grandiose demanding, prideful, boastful, arrogant and self centered. They need and expect a constant attention, admiration and affection. They can be abusive when threatened or their needs are not being met. This order is both inherited and developed and reinforced in childhood. The weakness of the narcissist is their inability to handle any kind of embarrassment. Narcissists are known for their adult temper tantrums.

However, when narcissism is part of the dark to trad, this is no longer the case. So that's a narcissistic component. Let's look at the Machiavellian component. Prince Machiavelli wrote the italian book, The Prince in the 15 hundreds. So yes, this is nothing new. Ladies and gentlemen, it outlines a political philosophy on how rulers are to govern their subjects. Machiavellian is um is the adaptation of this philosophy into a personality and as such is a personality construct and not a disorder. It's really important to remember. This is a personality construct, meaning that it's a philosophy and not a disorder. Therefore it's not inherited. Rather it is a learned behavioral pattern. Machiavelli ins are manipulative exploitive of others, cynical, deceptive and believe in at the heart of all of this is that it is better to be feared than loved. Unlike narcissists, they do not make exaggerated claims about their significance or accomplishments. And unlike psychopaths are sadists, they are too calculated to risk vengeful or cruel behavior unless there is a specific game. When Machiavellian is um is combined with narcissism, psychopathy or sadism, there's actually no limit to their abusiveness or the evil within that they act out on. Okay, so that's the Machiavellian component. We have the narcissistic component, we have the Machiavellian component and now we're going to talk about the psychopathy component. Psychopaths are under the anti social personality disorder umbrella listed in the D. S. M. Five along with sociopaths and status. A psychopath has the ability to create an entire persona in direct contrast to who they are, think of it as like a mask they put on their...

...face. They are very calculating palace without a conscience, pathological liars, remorse free and dangerous. Their personality is both inherited and developed through a traumatic and abusive childhood psychopaths like Machiavelli ins and narcissists can instantly read the emotions of others and calculate how to use it to their advantage without any emotional response. They have no problem hurting others, but is always for a purpose. Unlike your status, they patiently wait to attack their victim, often having planned the attack for many years. So we have narcissistic machiavellian that was psychopathy component. Now, let's look at the saddest component. Sadists are part of the anti social personality disorder as well. In the past, they had a separate diagnosis under the old GSM formats, but now we've moved them to antisocial. The name sadism comes from Marcus decide who was from seven, Alive, 1742, 1814. Again, this is not an old concept, it was a french philosopher and writer. His works combined philosophy with sexual fantasies and violent behavior. Sadists are individuals who crave cruelty and derive pleasure from being cruel to others. It's not really clear whether this behavior is inherited, developed or learned. We don't know a whole lot about it. It's not all Sadam is sexual or involves killing. Rather it is about inflicting pain on others that the saddest find exciting or even pleasurable. Unlike psychopaths, they're not as calculating about their abusive behavior. Instead, it is all self pleasuring. This in combination with the other components is why a boss will continue to continue their abusive...

...behavior because they actually get excited seeing fear or hurt in others. Okay, so we've gone over the different components. Narcissism, Machiavellian is um, psychopath and sadism. So what we're going to do next is we're going to start to identify what I call the dark tetrapod boss, no matter where you are, I really strongly believe in getting help in getting some therapy. Uh it is one of the best things that you could do for yourself. I have found it not only to be life changing for myself, but for many of my clients as well, Better help is one of those places that will allow you to find the right therapist for you and you can do it in a safe online environment that's super confidential and you can even start and as little as 48 hours they actually assess your needs. Better help assesses your needs and they find a great therapeutic match um to a counselor that is just the right fit for you. You're going to get timely and thoughtful responses, You can schedule weekly on a video or phone sessions and remember that this is not a crisis line. It's not self help. It really is professional counselling done by professionally licensed people, which is so important that you are seeing a licensed counselor. It is sometimes way more affordable to do this type of counseling and some financial aid is also available for certain clients. Plus it's worldwide they have licensed professional counselors who specialize in depression, stress anxiety, relationships, sleep trauma, anger, family conflicts, L G B T. Q. Matters grief and self esteem. Everything you share is confidential. It's convenient, professional and affordable. So better help is our sponsor today and as my listener, um you are going to get 10%...

...off your first month by visiting our sponsor. Better Help dot com slash U. T. N. Again join over a million people who have taken charge of their mental health. That is better help. H E L P dot com slash u T. N. So let's go back to, how do we identify that we are actually dealing with a dark tetrapod boss. So um there's a quick scale that was devised by Jason and Weber and they call it the Dirty dozen, which can actually help you spot a tetrapod boss. Here's a breakdown of what it looks like. Number one, they manipulate others to get their way. Now this is no simple manipulation nor is it obvious. Rather the manipulation is very hard to unmask until after the attack is already complete. Since this personality tends to wait a long time, the shifting environment of a workplace makes it even that much harder to actually see. So number one, they manipulate others to get their way. Number two, they have no real remorse. While this boss might actually fake remorse for their own gain, their long term behavior demonstrates a complete lack of true remorse. The arrogance, superiority and God like status of this personality makes it impossible for any shame or regret. So number two is they have no real remorse. Number three, they want others to admire them. This is actually best seen in serial killers who do the most heinous acts of violence that they can imagine for the point of actually being recognized by others and their twisted minds. They are admired for their behavior. A boss on this scale does obvious criminal acts, believing that others actually...

...admire them for what they are able to do and get away with Without any significant consequence. So number three, as they want others to admire them. Number four are unconcerned with the morality of their actions. So this is not just about breaking laws, it is also about shattering common decency, ethical values, moral codes and or religious beliefs. This boss will say that they're decent, ethical, moral or even religious while simultaneously violating as many of these values as they can. Some are done in secret and some are done like literally hiding in plain sight. So number four is they are unconcerned with the morality of their actions. Number five, they used a seat or lies to get their way. So this boss has no problem telling two contradictory lies at the exact same time to see which one is actually going to stick worse. Yet they will even say the opposing lights to the same exact people. When they're confronted, they often gaslight employees into believing that the employees are going crazy and not the boss. So they used a seat or lies to get their way. It was number five. Number six, they are callous or insensitive. This is not just an insensitive remark. Rather, it is a coldhearted boss who is incapable of showing empathy, sympathy or compassion. No one is off limits, including spouses and Children of an employee. So they're often callous or insensitive. For number six. Number seven, they use flattery to get their way. There are some forms of flattery that are pleasant, but this type of flattery is maliciously deceptive and designed to manipulate, subdue and even tranquilize the victim. The flattery is often followed by a very brutal attack. So number seven is, they use flattery to...

...get their way and also to disarm a victim. Number eight, they seek prestige or status. So the ladder of success is paved with the bodies of the people that they have destroyed in order to get what they want. Nothing stops this boss from achieving whatever prestige or status that they desire and nothing is outside the bounds of what it takes in order to get there. So number eight, seeking prestige or status. Number nine tend to be cynical. This boss is known for their underhanded sarcasm, passive aggressive remarks and even backhanded compliments. No one is good enough except them. So number nine, they tend to be cynical. Number 10. They exploit others toward their own end. This bosses exploitation of others is legendary. Not only do they openly brag about it, but they often have souvenirs of their conquest on display as a demonstration of their accomplishments. So number 10, they exploit others towards their own end. Number 11, they expect special favors from others. The superiority of this boss is so pronounced that they expect in whatever environment they enter in, they will be given whatever it is they want. Even when others are unaware of the status of this boss, they are still expected to comply. So number 11, they expect special favors from others. Number 12, they want others to pay attention to them. Even the quietest type of this personality construct wants others to notice them and not in a positive altruistic way. Rather, they want to go down in history as having been feared. So they want others to pay...

...attention to them, especially to fear them. So these are the 12 different traits that we were talking about. The bottom line of all of this is that a boss with these characteristics can and will make work hellish. It is better to work in a lesser occupation than to put up with the abuse on a daily basis for this boss, they will destroy even their own family if it means getting what they want. Absolutely no one is off limits. If this sounded like somebody that you are working with, this is not a situation in which you stay. This is a situation in which you leave. I hope that was helpful in understanding what the 12 traits of probably the darkest personality of a boss you can have looks like. Thanks for listening to understanding today's narcissist with Christine Hammond brought to you in part by psych central dot com. For more information, visit grow with Christine dot com. Mhm.

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