Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode 9 · 2 years ago

13 Types of Relationship Affairs

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

What is an affair? It is a sexual encounter, romantic comrade, or obsessive attachment between two people without a significant other’s knowledge. It can come in many forms but all of them have the underlying issue of a betrayal of trust, unfaithfulness to a commitment, and infidelity of the relationship. Sometimes it destroys the initial relationship and other times the relationship can survive.

Read more...

Whether you're thinking of divorcing your narcissistic spouse, right in the middle of it or have finalized your divorce, the tactics are the same. If this sounds like you, you need to know about Christine Hammond's new master class series how to survive a divorce with a narcissist. In this four hour video series, Christine Hammond introduces the toxic tactics that narcissists use to abuse, humiliate and manipulate you and teaches you exactly how to recognize these tactics and navigate through them with mastery and confidence. How to survive a divorce with a narcissist is a deep dive, a master class that I'll show you how narcissists use tactics like bait and switch, scare tactics, roller coaster ride and child's play. It's how to survive a divorce with a narcissist, a four hour recorded video master class with Christine Hammond. For more information or to purchase to day, just go...

...to grow with Christine Dot com forward slash narcissism. That's grow with Christine dot com, forward slash narcissism. This master class will change your life again. That's grow with Christine Dot com forward slash narcissism. This is understanding today's narcissist, brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Today we're going to talk about the thirteen types of relationship affairs, and the reason I'm including this is because narcissists tend to have affairs more than one kind too, and they do it over a period of time,...

...and it is really important if you are involved with a narcissist that you be aware of the different types of affairs that do exist. So let's define what an affair is. It can be a sexual encounter, a romantic camaraderie or an obsessive attachment between two people without a significant others knowledge. It can come in many forms, but all of them have the underlying issue of betrayal of trust, unfaithfulness to a commitment and infidelity of the relationship. Sometimes it destroys the initial relationship and other times the relationship can survive. So over the years of my counseling literally thousands of people and couples, there have been more incidence of affairs than I can even count at this point. Some have happened in...

...the past, some how are happening in the present and others are actually in the process of being contemplated for in the future. The type of affair is important as it identifies what area a person needs to address in their own life to prevent it from happening again in the future. So here are the thirteen different types of affairs that I have seen in a relationship. Number One, the one night or affair. This affair begins as a product of convenience. Two people are sexually interested in each other with means, opportunity and desire to have an affair. It can happen while away on a business trip, with a thought that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. It is a one time encounter between two people who are not likely to meet again. That is the one night er affair. Number two, the in charge affair. One...

...or both parties in this type of affair view sex as an opportunity to exert power or control over another person or situation. It is often seen in a work environment where a supervisor is having sex with a subordinate. Either or both are engaged in the fair to gain the upper hand on the other person into exert dominance. The person who's subordinate might be trying to gain the upper hand with the superior, and the person who's the superior might like the fact that they are in power and control. This is what we call in in charge affair. Number three, a fictional affair. Not all affairs happen in the physical sense. Summer in the mind and are purely fantasy. A person can imagine having sex with another person and feels some sort of connection to that person...

...that is solely fictional. This is often done when a person is looking at pornography, public figure, a movie star or someone totally outside of their reach. We call these fictional affairs. They happen in the mind only. They can be every bit as devastating, though, as an actual physical affair. Number four, escape affair. Some people believe that the only way out of a relationship or a marriage is to have an affair with another person. This type of affair is their escape hatch. Instead of confronting the relational problems head on, this passive, aggressive affair is their way of getting out easily. So number four is the escape affair, where you're trying to get out of the relationship and the only way you can think to do so is by sabotaging...

...it. Number five, the emotional affair. Rather than having an intimate emotional connection with your spouse a partner, this person chooses to have an emotional fair with someone outside of the relationship. They share their thoughts, feelings, daily activities and dreams with the other person in exchange for support, love, concern and empathy. This is not necessarily a physical affair, but it can easily lead to one. So that is an emotional fair. A lot of affairs, especially for women, start off emotional and then they move to physical. Number six, the superglue affair. Some affairs result in a deep connection that binds two people together in mind and body. This is a hard affair to stop and usually destroys marriages. Those in this affair say that they were made...

...for each other and should have always been together. Even when they try to give their affair up, they often return to each other. This is a superglue affair. It is very difficult to break these kinds of affairs because people are bound together, they say, and they will tell you, in mind and body. Number seven, the compulsive affair. This type affair is more about meeting the addictive person's needs rather than about the other person that's involved. The constant need for sex drives thoughts, feelings and behaviors to seek out nearly every and any and every opportunity. This can be often linked to a sexual addiction and is done to fulfill the addictive need of having sex. So the compulsive affair is more about meeting an addiction need. It is not emotional,...

...there's no connection whatsoever. It's all about meeting and addicts needs. Think of it as a drug. Number Eight, revenge affair. This is another type of passive aggressive affair where a person is so upset by the infidelity of their spouse a partner that they seek out and have an affair as revenge. It is a you hurt me, so I'm going to hurt you affair. The greater the hurt, the more this person will act out in even larger betrayal, such as having sex with the close friend or even a coworker of the other person. So this is a revenge affair where you're acting out revenge because you got hurt. Number nine, a naive affair. Some people naively enter...

...an affair believing that the other person will leave their spouse or partner in exchange for them. This rarely happens. Most of the time, the person having the affair will remain with their spouse and partner and string the other person along for as long as they possibly can. We call that a naive affair. Number ten an opportune affair. This affair occurs out of a series of opportune moments, such as having an affair with a family member of the spouse or partner or friend, because the other person is around so much and is trusted by the spouse or partner. There is this informal, relaxed environment that can lead itself to infidelity. Added to that is the excitement of having an affair and keeping its secret from someone who is so close. So number ten is an opportune affair. This is an affair of convenience. Number eleven a lustful...

...affair. This type of affair is all about sex. It is done out of intense emotion such as desire, rage or infatuation. There is no attachment, however. It may happen more than one time or with different partners. It feels like an uncontrollable urge to have it right now and is not satisfied any other way than sex. So number eleven is a lustful affair. Number twelve is a pursuing affair. For some people, in affair is all about the chase or teas. They want to know that they are desired by others, so they seek out opportunities to go after someone else. Well, it doesn't always end up in a physical affair. The thoughts and emotions to take it there make it a pursuing affair, as they imagine the possibilities. So...

...a pursuing affair is about somebody chasing after someone else. It's about desire. Number Thirteen, this is the thrilling affair. For some people, the answer to their boring relational life is to add some excitement. This can come in the form of a thrilling affair done to satisfy the need for stimulation or adventure. The tension that results from this affair adds drama and uproar to what is a dull relationship. So number thirteen is a thrilling affair, a drama inducing affair done just to create and stir up drama in a relationship that is very boring. Those are the thirteen different types of affairs. Number one was one nighter than an in charge of fair a figtional affair and escape affair, emotional...

...super glue, compulsive revenge, naive affair, opportune, lustful pursuing and last was thrilling. So my experience, recovering from an affair is really hard work, but it can be worth it in the end. Whether or not the initial relationship survives, it is so important to deal with the underlying issues that actually led to the affair so that this pattern is not repeated, whether in it's in this relationship or other relationships going forward. Remember, affairs do happen. Being aware of the different types of affairs helps you to be more conscious of what could be happening in your own relationship. I hope this was helpful for you. Thanks for listening to understanding. Today's narcissist with Christine hammit brought...

...to you in part by Psych Centralcom. For more information, visit grow with christinecom.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (91)