Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode 15 · 2 years ago

7 Indicators of a Narcissistic Friend

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Dawn ran into the grocery store to grab a few things after a long day of work when she bumped into a friend. “Where have you been? It’s so good to see you?” her friend inquired.

“You know … work, family, kids. We’ve been so busy lately,” Dawn quickly replied while knowing that what she said was wrong. Unable to examine it at that moment she put the thought out of her head until she was alone in her car.

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...to grow with Christine Dot com forward slash narcissism. That's grow with Christine dot com, forward slash narcissism. This master class will change your life again. That's grow with Christine Dot Com. Forward Slash Narcissism. This is understanding today's narcissist, brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Today I want to talk to you about the seven indicators of a narcissistic friend. So I had a request from a couple of different people who wrote to me and said, Hey, I'm struggling. I don't...

...know whether or not my friend is narcissistic. So I came up with this list of seven indicators of it, just to hopefully clear up some confusion about what that looks like, because a narcissistic friend is not like a narcissistic spouse. They're a little bit more creative in the ways that they approach you. So let's talk about this and we're going to use the example of dawn. Dawn right into the grocery store to grab a few things after a long day of work when she bumped into a friend. Where have you been? It's so good to see you, her friend inquired. You know, work, family, kids, we've been so busy lately. Dawn quickly replied whill, knowing that what she said was entirely wrong. Unable to examine it at the moment, she put the thought out of her head until she was alone in her car, and then she exist dammined it. Why hadn't she seen her friend? Why had it been so long? Just then her friend barb came...

...to mind. Barb had dominated so much of her time lately, with large amounts of drama in her life. There were dozens of text messages daily, phone conversations on the way to and from work, late night drinks in these random dropovers. Dawn was so consumed by Barb's life that she had no time for friends and less time for her family. So she decided to confront barb to set a more realistic boundary. Well, you can imagine how that went over. Barb immediately blamed dawn's husband for the confrontation, saying that he didn't understand their close bond. When Dodd said no, this didn't come from him, that it came from a passing comment from another friend, barb insisted on...

...knowing the details and then slammed this random friend from the grocery store for being jealous. Then dawn tried to express that this really was her decision. In Barb replied with a fine a Banomy, just like everyone else. I always knew you would confused by that interaction, and dawn shut down, trying to pacify barb. Within minutes, dawn gave up her boundaries, then gave into barbs demands, substituting her need for space with barbs need for attention. Barb Change Direction again and now became charming, talking about how important dawn was to her and that she was the closest friend that she ever had. If this sounds familiar to you, you two might have a narcissistic friend. So here are seven indicators of it. Number one has unreasonable expectations. The narcissist expects...

...that their friend will meet all of their emotional needs. A friend is required to anticipate what, how and when. The narcissist needs admiration and adoration. This is a one way street, with a friend gives the support and the narcissist takes, but there is no return. In addition, the narcissist appetite is not satisfied. The more the friend gives, the more that is expected. That is has unreasonable expectations number one. Number two projects blames and Gilt trips. The narcissist projects their negative characteristics on to their friend. The narcissist says the friend is needy, never satisfied, ungrateful, doesn't apologize, selfish and has unreasonable expectations. They might also belittle their friend by pointing out their...

...flaws in front of others, taking a minor infraction in turning it into a major of rent and highlighting intelligence gaps so that the narcissist looks superior. Yet others have not vocalized any such complaints about the friend. So the second indicator of a narcissistic friend is that they blame project and guilt trip. The third is that they're very jealous. The narcissist is jealous of anyone or any thing that has the friends attention over them. This includes spouses, children, weirdly enough, pets, friends, family and occupation. They will frequently demand attention at the same time the friend is engaged with someone else, while talking on the phone, working on a project or doing activities with others. Their jealousy...

...triggers intense rage, for which the friend is then subsequently blamed. The third indicator is that the narcissistic friend is very jealous. The fourth is that they do an abusive cycle. The narcissists will provoke the friend to leave by being cruel and or abusive during an argument. This accomplishes two things. It verifies that the friend will in fact one day abandon the narcissist and it sets the narcissist up to be the victim. Either way, the narcissists gain more ammunition to use against their friend. The narcissist will not take any responsibility for the aggravation. So the fourth indicator is that they do an abusive cycle. The fifth indicator is that they do abusive behavior. The narcissis punishes the friend with...

...abuse or neglect. The abuse can be physical, such as breaking things, could be emotional, like guilt tripping, financial, expecting the friend to pay for everything, sexual. It could be shaming them for what they have or haven't done, spiritual, using God to justify their behavior, verbal name calling, mental twisting the truth. Or they will withhold love, attention, support and communication. There is nothing unconditional about the narcissist love. It is very performance driven. Trying to address the abuse is like pouring gas selene on too a fire. So the FIV is that the narcissistic friend actually does abusive behavior. The six is that they use threatening behavior. The narcissist threatens abandonment,...

...exposure or rejection if the friend won't comply with their wishes. Most likely, the friend has one or more of these insecurities, which is why the narcissists targeted them for a friend in the first place. These fears tend to keep a person in the relationship longer. Most of this type of behavior is triggered when the narcissist believes that they are entitled to something that they don't have. It is a form of an adult temper tantrum. So the sixth indicator is that the narcissist friend uses threatening behavior. The seventh is that they fake remorse. The narcissist uses remorse as a manipulation tool. Real remorse takes time to implement. An order for trust to be regained, the narcissist will expect an immediate return to the same level of trust as before. Any mention of the past behavior will incite the narcissist and they will claim that the friend is being...

...unforgiving. This, of course, justifies them into doing the action again. So the last indicator, the seventh one, is that they faked remorse. So let's go back to dawn again. Once dawn identified her friend, barb as being a narcissist, she was able to set firm our boundaries. Since Barb was unwilling to admit to any wrongdoing and adverse to changing any of her behavior, dawn made the decision to end the friendship. This brought its own challenges, but in the end she was able to move forward in a much healthier manner. The good part about having a narcissistic friend is that you can leave the friendship. Now, that might take some time and you have to be careful about how you go about doing it, but you can exit it. You don't have to maintain it and you don't have to go forward. It's not like a parental relationship or espousal relationship or a sibling or even a...

...coworker or a boss, where you might be stuck in that relationship for a while. Remember, you choose your friends, so choose them wisely. Thanks for listening to understanding. Today's narcissist with Christine Hammond, brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom. For more information, visit grow with Christine dotcom.

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