Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode · 1 year ago

7 Steps to Emerging from the Abuse Fog

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

It finally hit. After years of wondering what was wrong, who was crazy, and how this could have happened, the reality of abusive behavior hits like a ton of bricks. The insight is simultaneously overwhelming, shocking, frustrating, disgusting, and demeaning. But there it is the answer that was longed for but may never have been fully considered until this moment. Then everything became clear.

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...just go to grow with Christine dot com. Forward slash narcissism That's grow with Christine dot com. Forward slash narcissism. This master class will change your life again. That's grow with Christine dot com. Forward slash narcissism Thing is understanding today's narcissist brought to you in part by psych central dot com. And now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Today, we're going to talk about the seven steps that you can take when you're trying to emerge from your abuse fog. So I want you to think about, um, abuse as a foggy situation where you can't see straight. You don't know what's...

...going on in front of you, and you're not quite sure what's happening. So at some point in time, it finally hits. After years of wondering what's wrong, who was crazy and how this could have all happened, the reality of abusive behavior hits you just like a ton of bricks. The insight is simultaneously overwhelming, shocking, frustrating, disgusting and even demeaning. But there is an answer that was longed for, but you may have finally never even considered it until this moment. All of a sudden, everything becomes clear. At first it might seem as if 1000 miles kinesis een at once. With every small piece of information finally falling into place, The intense fear that...

...suddenly appears from your abusers glance now makes sense. The increase in your panic attacks over not responding to attacks fast enough to satisfy your abuser is now perfectly understandable, and the constant state of anxiety even at night without any real relief. Despite numerous efforts and methods, now becomes transparent. Your abuse fog has finally cleared away. This is such a precious moment, which, unfortunately, does not last long because neither the circumstances nor your relationship has likely changed. The temptation is to allow the deep depression that you're experiencing that quickly rises to place this to place you in a state of inaction. This is precisely what the your abuser is counting on that you, the victim,...

...even after realizing that you're being abused are going to be so damaged that you will be unable to act. But it doesn't have to be this way. Here are seven steps that you can take to come out of your own abuse. Fog number one No, the type of abuse. There are seven major types of abuse physical, verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, financial and even spiritually do an inventory of each type of abuse To see which tactic your abuser employees. Most abusers have a couple of go to methods that they re use over and over again, know what the abuse looks like and actually call it by name.

So, for instance, we call verbal abuse. When somebody belittles you or name calls you, you say That's verbal abuse. So know the type of abuse. That's number one. Number two. Study your abuser. Everyone has weaknesses and vulnerabilities. In this case, your abuser has mastered the art of learning your susceptibility. The reverse must happen in order to keep the fog away. Look for signs of defensiveness, repeated words or phrases, nervous gestures and emotional reactions. Most likely, they are fairly obvious when you stop and think about it. In the past, thes subtleties were used to reinforce your submission, but now they should be used to reveal their vulnerability. So the next step is...

...study the abuser that was number two. Number three. Begin with the end in mind. What's your end game? Is it to get away? If this is too hard for you to answer right now, then decide to wait for 30 days before making any decisions. Use this time to gather more evidence and then make a decision at the end of that period. Your decision has one of three options. You can stay. You can go or you can revisit it in another 30 days. This technique gives your fog a deadline instead of feeling like it will never end. So Number three is begin with the end in mind. Number four. Be patient. It takes time, energy, effort and strategy to escape...

...from your abuser. Depending on the type and the amount of abuse that you've experienced, this could be days or even years to get away. There will be plenty of time later to process all of your wise. For now, the focus must be on looking for that window to get away, be patient and on constant alert for when that moment occurs. So number four is be patient number five. Think strategically, your abuser has perfected the win lose strategy where they always win at the expense of you. Losing big wins without practice are not likely similar to the reasoning behind practicing before a sports game, so start small with...

...unspoken victories and then work upto larger winds. While the overall focuses on the long term goal, Short term success is actually build confidence. So number five think strategically. Number six A moat Quietly. The ability to think clearly is much easier if emotions of anxiety, anger, sadness and fear, or released do not dismiss these emotions. They are very useful and motivating you to change. However, a build up of unreleased feelings could result in like a volcanic like explosion. This would definitely be used for the worst by your abuser. Instead, find safe places...

...to let your emotions out. Crying is an excellent way to do this in a very short period of time. So number six a moat quietly number seven be at peace with the fog. We live the moment when the fog was lifted and things became clearer. This can be done daily if needed to remain on task. But when the fog resettles, don't fight it. This is a waste of energy and effort. Rather, be thankful that it's there. This way. The Onley thing that can be done is what is visible in your immediate. This keeps you from getting overwhelmed with too many options. So number seven be at peace with the fog. Let's review the seven steps to help you emerge from the abuse. Fog number one. No, the type of abuse...

Number two. Study your abuser Number three. Begin with the end in mind. Number four. Be patient number five. Think strategically number six emote quietly and number seven be at peace with the fog. In the end. On Lee, you can make the decision to leave. It is infinitely easier to do this physically when the choice has already been made mentally. Use this foggy period of time to regain your perspective so that you can make the best possible decision for moving forward. Thanks for listening to...

...understanding Today's narcissist with Christine Hammond. Brought to you in part by psych central dot com. For more information, visit grow with Christine dot com.

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