Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode 52 · 4 years ago

Abuse Part 2-Physical

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this ongoing series, Christine Hammond reveals the ways that narcissists can be abusive in relationships and how you can protect yourself from these tactics.

 

www.growwithchristine.com

This is understanding. Today's narcissist brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Hi, welcome back. We are talking about the different types of abuse tactics that narcissists use. The our first episode we talked about mental abuse. Now we're going to do with a more common abuse that you see, which is physical abuse. So part two today is physical abuse. So there are times when we kind of know what physical abuse is. The problem is that there's other types of physical abuse other than hitting that most people don't even think about as being abusive. So that's what...

I want to really talk about today with you are what some of those other types of physical abuse actually look like, so that you can get a better feel for it yourself. We will talk about the hitting, but that will be saved for much later. So let's let's go ahead and begin by discussing the five main types of physical abuse use that narcissists like to use. The very first one is intimidation. So while intimidation might not seem by the word itself, a physical abuse tactic, let me explain for a second why I put it in that category. So a let's take for instance, and narcissist who becomes who's very bully like and is standing over a person, like literally stands up. I had this happened to me in session. I know it sounds crazy, but I had a narcissistic client who got upset by something I...

...said, shocker, and they stood up from their seat and they walked over to where I was and literally looked down on me as if they were superior to me and I was this inferior person. So it even happens to me where they try to do that kind of physical abuse where they're looking down on you like that. They might even like get in your face and like get really close, like physically close to your face, to the point that you don't have that like normal, customary three feet of space that we like from somebody else. They'll get way closer to you and then they refuse to back off, like you know, they come in close physically and then not backing away from that scenario. They might throw things, they can punch things, hit walls, break things, slam doors to the point that they almost break...

...that might be close by and the this is a scare tactic that's designed to frighten somebody into submission, because if they're willing to do this to an object, to a door, to a wall, then oh my gosh, what are they going to do to me? And and so that the intimidation is like the beginning stage. It's like the first step that they do on their way to the more serious physical abuse that usually happens later. So there's actually no physical contact during intimidation, but it is a precursor to what could happen later in the narcissist knows that and likes to use that as a threat to kind of scare a person into submission. So that's the very first one. That is intimidation. The next one is isolation. So this is kind of the opposite of what we were just talking about. So the narcissist like systematically limits a spouse's ability to escape, especially in like dangerous situations. So I'll...

...give you this example. They're like driving recklessly on a freeway. I'm sure y'all have free ways, and we have a very dangerous freeway here in Orlando called I for and and when if you drive really recklessly on that, you are going to get in an accident, especially because there's so much construction on it. Right now and where you live you probably have the very same thing as well. So if they're driving recklessly and you can't get out of the car because there's no place to go, you are you are stuck and you're forced to stay in that situation. Another example could be an exposure to severe weather or or dangerous environmental conditions. So I know narcissist for instance, sometimes what they'll do to isolate a person is that they'll put them in a cabin that has no heating in the middle of winter time and then, and then, and then make you and then you're cold the entire time and they're enjoying...

...it or they're having fun. But no matter what you say to try to escape or get away, they won't let you do it. Or they might take you to a place and then all of a sudden pick a fight with you and then leave you, literally leave you where you are and strand you in a foreign town or in a destination that is unknown to you. In the past, when you're injured, they might prevent you from getting medical treatment or seeking any kind of help and might minimize you by, like name calling and saying, Oh, you're such a baby, I can't believe you can't handle this, they might destroy personal items and call them insignificant, like literally burning things that belong to you and saying, Oh, you shouldn't have had it anyway. All of this is done as a way to force a another person to solely depend on the narcissist and trust only their judgment. So,...

...by isolating you and by making you feel all alone, like you have no place to turn and nowhere to go, you're stuck with just the narcissist. And again, I know it doesn't sound like physical abuse, but this is physical abuse because it borders right on we're moving up to the threat of actual physical violence. The next step that comes after that is what we call restraint. So restraint is where the personal contact begins. By holding a person back, like physically grabbing them around the arms, holding them back, blocking a doorway, confining them so they can't leave, throwing the keys away so that a person can't get to their keys, grabbing when trying to leave, locking doors, locking a person in and not giving them a way to escape, up or even tying a person up. All of these create a feeling of entrapment or imprisonment, without any way of being able to escape or get out...

...of the scenario and because they've already demonstrated through isolation and intimidation and ability to cut a person off, the physical restraint becomes almost a promise of future aggression. So when this begins to happen, this is like the point. As soon as you get to the restraint point, this is a point to exit the relationship immediately, because the next two steps are terrible and will cause you bodily damage. So if you are experiencing those three steps as it is all by itself, then then that's the point where you need to end the relationship with the narcissist, because it will get worse. They do escalate. narcissists do escalate on the physical abuse, especially when they realize the their intimidation isn't working, their isolation isn't working, their restraint isn't working. Then the only thing they choice, they have to do is to get more aggressive, more...

...bully like and become more than what they were before. So that's why I say this is the cutoff point. No, if you are already here, do not proceed with the relationship. If you do, this is what's going to happen. The next step is aggression. Now it's important to remember that any physical force which results in pain, discomfort or in injury is completely unacceptable in a relationship. When to make sure that I'm highlighting that for you, it is abusive for you to have pain, discomfort or injury in any way, shape or form at the hands of somebody who is supposed to love and cherish you. There are many types of this kind of aggression, such as hitting, kicking, punching, arm twisting, pushing, beating, shoving,...

...biting, slapping, striking with an object, shaking, pinching, choking, hair polling, dragging, burning, cutting, stabbing, strangling and force feeding, which could include giving people drugs without their permission, because the narcissist will blame the other person for their violent behavior. They will not stop using this force once it's started. They will not stop using this force once it has started. I want to make sure you hear that, because if you're in a relationship where any of those things have already started, it's not going to stop. They will not stop it until they get some help and they recognize and acknowledge that this is not acceptable and they want to get better, which...

...is very hard for a narcissist to admit to they can do it, but they really have to get there, and emitting it to you is not enough. They have to admit it to somebody else and actually seek professional help for this. This is not something that can be solved outside of professional counseling, because we have to get to the issues as to why they feel like this is acceptable behavior. The very next one is is even the worse, and this is the most dangerous stage, because usually a person's life is in jeopardy, and we call this endangerment. So the intimidation and isolation becomes so ordinary that a person becomes numbs, numb to the effect, and restraint becomes a waiting game. Usually that has already been mastered. Aggression is expected and no longer shocks a person. So then the narcissist realizes that they're no longer commanding...

...the same level of fear, so they escalate the tax. Verbal threats of killing their spouse, the person that they are abusing, any family members are themselves are usually mixed with physical violence and the use of weapons. So this is when the endangerment hits and somebody's life is definitely in jeopardy. When a narcissist says that they are going to kill somebody or they are going to kill themselves or they are going to kill you, that is something to take seriously. It is not something to ignore or pretend like it didn't happen or just excuse it away because they were upset in that moment. Words have meaning and those words in particular, those threats of violence and those threats of harm and those threats of death are very significant. There are narcissists who do carry out these acts. That's why we have, unfortunately, family side. That's all...

...why we have homicide. We have suicide because narcissuses have been known to kill themselves when they get very depressed or get very upset, or harm other family members as well. Prisons are littered with narcissists who have taken things too far. But it all started with a threat, it all started with some kind of assault. It all started with aggression, with restraint, isolation and intimidation. So when you see these things in the very beginning, this is not something to just ignore or play with or say, Oh, they'll get better if I just give them time, if they give them more attention, which is what they say. Way then they won't act this way. That is not a true statement, because attention is never enough for a narcissist. They can never ever feel like they have enough. In order to stop this train from happening, they need professional help in order to get there, in order to stop from escalating too much more severe levels. So please, if you...

...are in the middle of a relationship with a narcissist and they have demonstrated these signs of physical abuse, please be very, very careful and get out of the relationship as soon as you can, because it might be your life that's in jeopardy or somebody else that you love. Stay tuned for some more abuse tactics that we are will talk about so that you can have an understanding of just what it means to be abused by a narcissist. I want to make sure you have all the different ways. Physical is just one of the many ways. There's seven others. Thanks for listening to understanding. Today's narcissist with Christine Hammond, brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom. For more information, visit grow with Christine dotcom.

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