Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode 50 · 4 years ago

Abuse Part 6 -Financial

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this ongoing series, Christine Hammond reveals the toxic ways that narcissists can be abusive in relationships and how you can protect yourself from these tactics.

www.growwithchristine.com

This is understanding. Today's narcissist brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Hi and welcome back to our narcissistic abuse series, where we're going to be talking about part six today, which will be money. Since finances and money are so important in your everyday life, it is kind of interesting to find out and discover different ways that people actually use money to abuse somebody else. So I really want to highlight that for you because it's often overlooked but does happen quite frequently. Money is a...

...mechanism for control, which is a very typical thing that people actually do. They use money to control other people, and Narcissus know this all too well. Even a little bit of money gives a narcissist a sense of power and domination over others. They might start off small, with little things like removing your name from the accounts, and then it can grow into stealing, threats and even extortion. So what does that actually look like? Well, let's start with assets. So narcissistic abuse with money starts in the asset category. By they are they might be generous in giving presents, but then they might demand that you submit without a question, for without any question whatsoever, to immediately comply with whatever their demands might be. So just because they give you something, it feels like they are entitled to receive something on the back end...

...of that. They might flaunt their money and even use it as a weapon against the people who might be less fortunate, including you or even your family members. They might forbid you to have access to your money, literally removing your ability your name off of accounts, or give you access to possessions that you are so that you are entirely so that you are entirely dependent on them for food, clothing, shelter and any necessities, and if you want anything, you have to ask their permission for it first. They might steal from you or your family and expect everyone else to be okay with it because it's family and they're allowed to steal from them. They might defraud and or exploit your financial resources for their financial gain, not for yours, so it goes into an account where it's growing for them but it's not growing for you. They might destroy your personal belongings without any remorse, especially items that might have...

...a great significance prior to your relationship so that you're without things that really matter to you. They might prevent you from acquiring other assets and insist that you solely rely on them, to the point that even all the cars are put in their name and nothing is put in your name. No House, no cars, no real solid assets or in your name. Everything is in theirs. They might demand that all financial gifts or inheritances be put in their name, so even if you get an inheritance from your great aunt, they still demand that it's put in their name and not in yours. They might refuse to give you access to money or to pay court order child support or spousal support, because it's not their problem or the other party doesn't really need that money anyway, which is their justification. They might coerce you into selling or signing over financial assets that are only in your name. Yet they have many financial assets in their name, but they don't want you to have any in...

...your name. Or they might pressure you to agree to a power of attorney so they can sign legal documents for you without any reciprocation for it whatsoever. And last they might cancel sole life, health, car or even house insurance without your knowledge and leave you vulnerable and then claim that that expense is unnecessary and that if you didn't get in that accident that there wouldn't be a problem at all. So that's how narcissists use your assets to abuse you. Now let's talk about what they do with the banking accounts. They might open bank accounts in their name and not yours, but they won't give you access or allow you to see the records. They don't give you passwords for what's going on. They might force you to hand over your paycheck and deposited in their account and then deny you access to that money. They might forbid you from maintaining a personal bank account and insist that you are incapable of handling such things...

...and therefore they have to do all of it. They might even own investment accounts that various financial institutions that are completely unknown to you and you have no idea that they exist, or bank accounts with other banks that you don't know about. They might have secret stashes of money that you're unaware of, and then when you try to confront them, they become angry and claim that you are actually the one hiding money from them, when they're the ones who aren't being honest with you. That's banking. Let's talk about how narcissist can use your credit to abuse you. They might put all the bills or their credit cards in your name, so none of the assets are in your name, but all of the debt is, the assets are in their name. The debt, the debt and yours, as keeps you hostage to the narcissist all the time. They might increase your debt without agreement and then lie about it when it's discovered. They might make Max out credit cards without your knowledge and then blame you when being confronted about it. They might even ruin your credit...

...writing and your ability to obtain credit in the future by not paying the bills. This move renders you powerless financially because you have no assets and now have no ability to obtain credit. I've even known of narcissistic parents running up credit in their children's names, even though their children are adults, because they add access to their social security number, and then demanding that their child pay off the debt. They might claim that the credit card companies make enough money and therefore they don't deserve to be paid and they're not going to pay them back. So here's how they use taxes to abuse you. They might use yours or your child's social security number without permission to claim addictional tax refunds. This is often done in a very fraudulent manner. They might falsify tax records to show greater reductions than what is actually true and then expect you to sign tax documents without any kind of question or looking at it or reviewing it. They...

...might justify the behavior by saying everybody cheats on their taxes. Or they might deplete tax sheltered money, such as retirement, without your knowledge and then expect you to just trust them with it. And talk about how they abuse you. Through budgeting, they might shame you for how you spend your money while elevating their superior spending habits. Is being better than everybody else's and they know how to find a deal and you don't have any idea. They might put you on a ridiculously strict allowance with an impossible budget, thereby setting you up for failure intentionally so that they can justify their refusal to giving you access to money. That's what we call a bait and switch. They might force you to beg for money for clothes, for food, for medicine or even personal hygiene, and then claim that you don't really need the item or you don't need to be treated by the doctor. They might spend money on them but...

...not on you, claiming that you don't deserve it because of your poor budgeting abilities. Or they might punish your sput spending with verbal, physical, sexual or even emotional abuse. That's where they kind of combined those things together. Now here's an area that's often not discussed but does happen very commonly, which is work related. So think of think of this in terms of you're at a job, you're trying to earn an income, and how can the narcissist abuse you through preventing you from being able to earn an income? Well, they can prevent you from using the car by taking your keys. They might insist that they are more important than you being on time at work, even though it might cost you your job. They might force you to work in a family business for little to no pay, while tightening a while tightly controlling all other budgeting items. They might forbid you from earning any money from attending school to advance your career or taking any kind of classes or promotion for your...

...career. They might demand that you are totally financially dependent on them. They might even go so far as to interfere in your work environment by calling your boss and demanding that you be treated in a certain way, or calling your boss and ratting you out for something. They might insist on having access to your work emails and calendar and knowing details about your job. That is not only excessive, but unprofessional and could potentially violate confidentiality. They might harass you at work through unannounced visits, excessive phone calls or texting to negatively impact you at your job. They might claim that they are in charge of you and not your boss, and therefore they're entitled to do all of those things. And last they might force you to leave your job or even cause you to get fired, and then blame the work and not them. So this is what financial abuse actually looks like, and what's really important is not falling into...

...this trap. How you do that as by establishing some boundaries and then setting them, and then you have to keep re establishing some type of financial independence, such as opening your own account, having your paycheck deposited into your own account. Then build on that by attending maybe a financial class that promotes balance and not financial dictatorship. Have having a conversation with them about what would happen if they were to die, such as death, disability or sickness. Sometimes that can be productive, but calm reasoning mixed with compliments is a better way to confront a narcissist and to stop this kind of financial abuse. Thanks for listening to understanding today's narcissist with Christine Hammond brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom. For more information, visit grow with Christine dotcom.

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