Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode 13 · 2 years ago

How Do Deceptive People Get Away with It?

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

David was the charismatic leader of a large not-for-profit organization which gave aid and care for the homeless. Over the past ten years, his organization, under his energetic leadership, grew substantially as donations increased, new shelters were formed, and thousands of people were assisted. On the surface, things seemed to above board and working well. But it wasn’t.

Read more...

Whether you're thinking of divorcing your narcissistic spouse, right in the middle of it or have finalized your divorce, the tactics are the same. If this sounds like you, you need to know about Christine Hammond's new master class series how to survive a divorce with a narcissist. In this four hour video series, Christine Hammond introduces the toxic tactics that narcissists use to abuse, humiliate and manipulate you and teaches you exactly how to recognize these tactics and navigate through them with mastery and confidence. How to survive a divorce with a narcissist is a deep dive, a master class that I'll show you how narcissists use tactics like bait and switch, scare tactics, roller coaster ride and child's play. It's how to survive a divorce with a narcissist, a four hour recorded video master class with Christine Hammond. For more information or to purchase to day, just go...

...to grow with Christine dotcom forward slash narcissism. That's grow with Christine dot com, forward slash narcissism. This master class will change your life again. That's grow with Christine Dot com forward slash narcissism. This is understanding today's narcissist, brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Today's topic could apply to a wide range of people, not just narcissist but the reason I'm putting it in here is because this is a question I get asked a lot when dealing with narcissistic people, especially those of you...

...who have been in a relationship with one, and the big question is how do they get away with it? So I'm titling this how do deceptive people get away with it, and we're going to talk a little bit about how that happens and what that looks like, because it can be very confusing when you're in the middle of it. So I'm going to share with you a story about David. David was this charismatic leader of a large not for profit organization which gave aid and care for the homeless. Over the past ten years, his organization, under his very energetic leadership, grew substantially as donations increased, new shelters were formed and thousands of people were assisted. On the surface, things seem to be above board and working quite well, but it wasn't. Discretionary funds kept disappearing and despite the increase in donations and efficiency of management,...

...the organizations numbers were constantly in the red. David called a board meeting and openly admitted to having a personal spending problem and laughingly brushed off the organization's issues as people just following his lead. When another board member during the meeting confronted David about another indiscretion of sexual harassment of a volunteer, David minimized it. He teased the board member for being overly sensitive and then openly admitted to his weakness for overspending and beautiful women. He then asked the board for their prayers, saying that he was under attack for being such an effective leader. David said nothing inappropriate was happening and everyone was just over reacting. Yet there...

...was the board member hired a private consulting firm to review the organization statements and found hundreds of thousands of dollars unaccounted for. Then the board member interviewed volunteers who left the organization without warning and discovered at least a dozen cases of sexual harassment by David. The problem was that David admitted to one percent of what was actually happening, so any further accusations would only add to the theory that he was, quote unquote, under attack. David was doing what we call hiding in plain sight. By admitting to his weakness of overspending and admiring beautiful women, he removed the shock value of any discovery. Instead of trying to...

...look perfect, David openly admitted to his imperfections, calling himself humble and human. He even called out other board members who did not have an obvious indiscretion as trying to hide something. So how is he so successful with this? Here are five if his techniques, and again, these five techniques could apply to a narcissist, sociopath or another person who doesn't even have a personality disorder. I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of how this actually happens. So how do you do it? Here's five traits. Number one, he dressed casually. David did not look like the leader of a large organization. He would often wear casual, nondescript clothing with little to no accessories...

...or fancy touches. This gave him the appearance of fitting in with the volunteers. By physically not standing out, it was easier for him to hide the sexual harassment. Many Times the victims were actually unaware that he was even the leader in the first place. They just thought that he was one of the other workers. This is how the sexual harassment cases went undetected and were never followed up with. So the first trait was that he dressed casually. Number two, he followed the rules. David was known throughout the Organization for being a rule follower in very organized his daily rituals of routine were well known amongst the staff. He was quick to discipline employees or volunteers who overstep their boundaries...

...and was not afraid of confrontation. By following the rules in nearly every instance, it made it less likely that David would be discovered for embezzlement and sexual harass spent. So the second point was that he followed the rules. Number three, he was in conspicuous. One of the unnerving traits of David's personality was his ability to sneak up on people without realizing it. A group of conversing employees would suddenly become aware that David had joined their group sometime during the discussion, he had snuck up and joined without anyone noticing. This ability allowed him to become aware of moments when no one was paying attention and therefore making his criminal acts go completely unnoticed. So, number three, he was in...

...conspicuous. Number four he was quiet. When David needed to be charismatic and turn on the charm to increase donations, he would, but the rest of the time he was very quiet. He even talked quietly and walked quietly. He was very judicious about when he would be energetic in front of others, using it only when needed to attract just the right kind of attention. The rest of the time he was silent. This extreme difference allowed him to hide in plain sight. Number four he was quiet. Number five he was agreeable. Although David was not afraid to confront others when they stepped out of line,...

...he was mostly agreeable. His employees found him easy to work with and very accommodating. He said yes more than he said no, which made him an easy boss. However, David was being agreeable to go undetected, not because this was his normal personality, by being well liked, any accusations against him actually look like personal tax and untrue Miss Characterizations. Number five, he was agreeable. Let's go through the five traits again. First, he dressed casually. Second, he followed the rules. Third, he was in conspicuous, for he was quiet, and five, he was agreeable. That's how David was able to hide in plain sight. So what happened? Well,...

...even after the board member exposed David, fellow members and employees still believed that David was, quote, under attack. It actually took an outside investigation and a prosecution before they finally sell David for who he was. Sadly, there are so many cases just like this in numerous Environ rints, especially ones which are intending to help others. So this is how a person is able to get away with it. This is how deceptive people do it. They hide in plain sight, giving away only one percent of what is actually going on, just enough so that you know something's not okay, but that you also know that they know it, but then they don't give you the rest of the story. I share with you this article so that you can have a...

...better idea of how it's done, so you will not be fooled the next time it might happen to you. Thanks for listening to understanding today's narcissist with Christine Hammond brought to you in part by Psych Central dotcom. For more information, visit grow with Christine dotcom.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (91)