Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode 1 · 1 year ago

How to Survive When Quarantined with a Narcissist

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

After being married to a narcissistic wife for over 10 years and quarantined at home with her for the last several weeks, Ben had enough. His whole body started to reject his spouse’s self-centeredness by plaguing him with intense pain and repeated anxiety attacks that he could no longer ignore. He wanted to go to the doctor but his symptoms didn’t constitute an office visit. Instead via Telehealth, his doctor concluded that the pain and anxiety were psychosomatic.

This, of course, infuriated him even more.

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...to grow with Christine Coom, forward slash narcissism. That's grow with Christine dot com, forward slash narcissism. This master class will change your life again. That's grow with Christine Dot Com. Forward Slash Narcissism. This is understanding. Today's narcissist, brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Today, I thought we talked about how to survive when quarantined with a narcissist, since so many of us are stuck at home nail. Not everyone has a great situation of being able to leave the house,...

...and that might mean that you were in this situation, just like we're going to talk about been in a second where he is stuck at home with a narcissist. So let's talk about him. After being married to his narcissistic white for over ten years and quarantined at home with her for the last several been had had enough. His whole body started to reject his spouse's self centeredness by plaguing him with intense pain and repeated anxiety attacks that he could no longer ignore. He wanted to go to the doctor, but his symptoms didn't constitute an office visit. Instead, viatel health, his doctor concluded that the pain and anxiety were unfortunately psycho somatic. This, of course, infuriated him even more. He spent years learning how to effectively cater to his narcissistic wife so that the anger rants could be minimized. He worked doubt a right tried to get adequate sleep and maintain a simple job. That reduced his overall stress.

Still, his back was in constant pain. In his anxiety attacks worsened, especially at home. He decided to speak to his therapist. been was suffering from a type of post traumatic stress due to the repeated abuse that he received from dealing with his narcissistic spouse. In order to cope, Ben had stopped consciously listening to what his wife said. However, his subconscious continue to absorb the verbal and mental assaults. She would say to him. You're so stupid, I can't believe I married such a dummy, or I'm only letting you go out for a few hours without me because you can't be trusted. Or aren't you remembering that right? You know, I have the perfect memory. Once he started to realize what she was actually saying to him, his anxiety and now anger, intensified. The solution to his stress was to relax. So here's what he learned. First, take a chapter out of work.

Most full time jobs have built in benefits of at least two weeks of vacation per year. They have days off for national holidays at paytime off that's to be utilized as needed. The intensity of being married to a narcissist is similar to having another full time job, as a narcissist tends to dump on their spouse everything that they don't want to handle. Frequently, the spouse neglects themselves for the sake of the narcissist by justifying that the reduced anger is actually worth the effort. Unfortunately, life doesn't work this way, as most spouses only wind up exhausted in the end. So Ben decided to change his work schedule at home so that he was actually working while she was sleeping. This gave him a break from some of the badgering that he was enduring. So he...

...took a chapter out of work and he rearranged his schedule so that he didn't have to be around her as often. Number two take two weeks off. Ideally, been wanted to go on a vacation without his wife, but the stay at home order prevented him from leaving. Furthermore, he was fearful of suggesting the idea to her because of the backlash. Instead, been used his aging parents, whom his wife didn't like, as an excuse to get away for an extended weekend. By breaking down the two weeks into several extended weekends, Ben was able to get a much needed break from his narcissistic spouse. This time away was a set in chill for been to remember his own ones, desires, dreams and perception. narcissists have a way of convincing their spouses that their perception of reality is the only way to think, but it is...

...often a distorted perception that needs correction, not conformity. So been how he got away and how he got his two weeks off was by doing two different weekends, extended weekends, and going to see his parents during this time. Since his parents were older, they need a little bit of attention anyway and very much welcome the visit with their son. Number three, take a daily break. Even full time jobs recommend several breaks during the day to rejuvenate, eat and use the restroom, knowing that this actually increases productivity in the end. But now, with everyone at home, including the kids, been was off and running with no stopping until bedtime. Thanks to his wife, keeping work in mind, then began to take longer breaks during the day and do most of his work after the kids went to bed. He even found several...

...safe places in his house to hide, as his narcissistic wife would say. That gave him a chance to catch his breath and think about what he was doing. One of the typical abuse use tactics of narcissism is to generate confusion so that the only voice somebody hears is the narcissists. By taking a break from them, a physical break from him, this technique is extremely beneficial so that Ben can start to hear his own voice again. So the third point was to find ways to take daily breaks. Even short breaks are very much welcome. There have been a lot of memes out there about walking the dog, but, believe it or not, walking the dog is a great excuse to be able to take a break and get away. Number four take out friends. The last part of Ben's transformation was to spend a couple of nights a week on phone calls or zoom calls with some of his friends. He...

...began to see that even at work there were built in days off during the week to rest, since relaxing at home was difficult. He found solace in spending time with a few of his buddies who understood his predicament. This support was the final piece in restoring his physical and mental health. So ben found, number four, that by taking out some time to be able to talk to his friends, he could normalize what he was going through and his experiences, especially with friends who understood what he was happening with him. So here are the four tips. Again, take a chapter out of work and actually take some time off. Look and see where you can take some time off during the day and how you can rearrange your schedule. Number two, if you can't take a week off, take a couple weekends off and go see some friends, some aging parents, somebody who might actually need some help during this time. Number three, fine ways to take little daily breaks during the...

...day. Find places that you can escape too so that you can get a breath. And number four, find ways to connect with friends who understand what you're going through. Relaxation to can take on many forms, but when living with a narcissus, it is an essential element to survival, especially now. Without it, the stress builds up into huge piles that are difficult to remove. So please take some time off, and this is how you too can survive when you are quarantined with your narcissist. Thanks for listening, to understanding to day's narcissist with Christine Hamad brought to you in part by Psych Central Dot Com. For more information, visit grow with Christine Dot Com.

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