Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode · 1 year ago

Lies Abusers Tell Their Victims

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Ever wondered what abuse sounds like? What do abusers say to their victims to get them to acquiesce? Some of the statements listed below might even sound acceptable in certain environments, but they are not. Abusive behavior is pervasive and without awareness, it will continue.

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...just go to grow with Christine dot com. Forward slash narcissism That's grow with Christine dot com. Forward slash narcissism. This master class will change your life again. That's grow with Christine dot com. Forward slash narcissism Thing is understanding today's narcissist brought to you in part by psych central dot com. And now here's your host, Christine Hammond Way. We're going to talk about lies that abusers tell their victims. And it's a really important topic for you to understand, because when you're an abusive situation or around people who are abusive, you often don't recognize that...

...these statements are actually being said to you and that they're flat out lies. So we're going to go over them a little bit today. And one of the other reasons I wanted to share this with you is because I am so excited that my book, titled Abuse Exposed, is going to be coming out soon. You may have noticed that I took a bit of a break from doing the podcast because I was focused on writing this book, and now that it's coming out, I wanted to share with you some of the insights that are in the book. And so I'm going to read a little section from the book for you so that you can get a taste of it. But this is a really important section that I thought that would be just great for this podcast, because as narcissists abuse, they often tell these lies. And so let's talk a little bit mawr about it. So abusers like toe lie to their...

...victims so that they can cover up, manipulate and misdirect. The saddest part is that abusers take advantage of the trust and love from their victims. So what do abusers say to their victims to get them to acquiesce so easily? Well, let's listen to the lies that abusers actually tell their victims. Some of these statements that we're going to review may even sound acceptable in certain environments, but they're not abusive. Behavior is pervasive, and without awareness it is going to continue. So if any of these sound familiar, I would encourage you to take notes on this one and to write it down so that you can remember it. And you don't allow the lie to continue in your life. So let's go through them. The first section is the power section, and here are some of the lies I Onley hurt you because you hurt me First...

I do this Theodoros it behavior because I love you. So for instance, they might say I hate you because I love you. I yell at you or custody you because I love you, your family or friends can't be trusted. You can Onley trust me. You are such a and then fill in the blank with whatever degrading name cuss word you could think of. No one will ever love you Like I dio the Bible says you have to have sex with me. So do it. I'm an example for the whole church or community, so you have to behave perfectly. Those air abusive statements that air using power to try to manipulate you.

Now let's talk about abusive statements that use control. You never do what I ask. Just do it my way and everything will be fine. I know what is best for you. Your judgment is off. This abuse is for your own good, which would be this hitting this yelling is for your own good. If you don't have sex with me, then I'll have to do it with someone else. I'm in control of you, even at work. It's not stealing when it's family. I'm perfect and you have to be a swell. You don't hear me when I talk in a normal voice.

So all of those were about control. Let's talk about lies that abusers say that are about intimidation. You make me feel so angry. I'll talk to you when you have done what I asked. I'm stronger, more powerful or smarter than you. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm not like that at all. I have to hit you to get your attention. Those relies that were about intimidation. Let's look it lies that are about manipulation. If Onley you would then fill in the blank with something they're asking you to Dio, then I wouldn't have to react badly. In other words, if Onley you...

...would do what I tell you to dio, then I wouldn't have to act so badly. This is our little secret. No one needs to know. You misheard me. I would never say that I will hurt myself if you leave me, I have to have sex and it's your duty to give it to me. Just do this one sexual act one time and then I'll be satisfied. Usually it's a sexual act for which you really don't want to dio. A good wife or husband would do this for me. I'm the only one who feels angry, so you can't feel that way If you don't do this. I'll leave you or divorce you when you...

...and then you're doing something, then I'll have sex with you. In other words, when you shave properly, then I'll have sex with you. I lied to protect you. You have to submit to me. God said so. You intentionally make up stories about me to embarrass me. Those were all lies that are born out of manipulation. The last category is isolation. You have a bad memory. I know what really happened. It's your fault that we're in this mess, not mine. You don't deserve the things I give you when you start being nice to me. Then I will give you a birthday gift. You're confused. I know what's right.

You can't manage money, so I have to keep you out of all of the accounts. If you don't follow this rule, then you're going to be kicked out or isolated. It's not my fault that your hypersensitive no one could forgive you for what you have done. This abuse, whether it's physical or hitting, is a family matter. No one needs to know about it. So after going through this list, remember, there were different categories that we reviewed. One was power, the other was control. The next was intimidation, the manipulation and last isolation. Did you manage the spot one or two? Maybe that sounded familiar. If you did just know that you are not alone. These air warning signs of potential trouble.

But it does not have to escalate any further than that. Talking to a therapist or a counselor who specializes in abuse can help you walk through this process safely. So I hope that these lies are very clear to you. They're not true statements about you. There are things that people say to you to try to get you to do what they want you to dio. When you hear these words, the best thing for you is to recognize them, is abuse and not tolerate it any longer. I hope this helps to bring some clarity to some of the things you might be experiencing. And again, this is just an expert from my book called Abuse Exposed. I hope you'll be able to find some freedom by going through it. Thanks for listening to understanding Today's narcissist with Christine Hammond,...

Brought to you in part by psych central dot com. For more information, visit grow with Christine dot com. Yeah,.

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