Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode · 1 year ago

The Love-Bomb Entrapment of Narcissism

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Katrina couldn’t believe how her friend was treating her husband at dinner. She was demanding, controlling, domineering, belittling, unrelenting, sarcastic, and unnecessarily rude. For some time now, Katrina suspected that her friend was narcissistic and after the evening they spent together, she was even more convinced.

Read more... 

...some abuses dangerously obvious. While other types of abuse creep into our family DNA in covert ways, keeping family secrets, intimidation, the silent treatment and cyber bullying are just a few examples of the many forms of abuse with troubling outcomes. Often victims ask why did this happen to me or what can I do while abusers will excuse their behavior, asking why do you make me do this, victims and abusers can rewrite their stories, improve their relationships and break the cycle for their future generations. In Christine Hammond's latest book, abuse exposed, you will learn the wide range of types of abuse, both overt and covert the generational links to abuse, what to do before, during and after abuse, how to confront your abuser, how to talk to a victim of rape, finding forgiveness despite the pain, how to rewrite your story and avoid future problems and much much more. Look for...

Christine Hammond's latest book abuse exposed now available on amazon, This is understanding today's Narcissist brought to you in part by psych central dot com and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. Today we're going to talk about the love bomb entrapment of narcissism and I want you to think of love bombing as a technique that narcissists do in order to entrap or ensnare another person. Now this other person doesn't necessarily have to be a mate, it could be a person that they're dating, it could be a friend, it could...

...be somebody at work, it could even be a family member. So I want I want you to keep your mind open as I go through this story just so that you can start to understand what love bombing is and how a person becomes entrapped by it. So let's do the story of um Katrina who was looking at how her friend was treating her husband at dinner not to Trina's husband but her friend's husband at dinner she was watching how demanding she was, how controlling, domineering, belittling. Um was sarcastic and even rude during dinner. And for some time Katrina suspected that her friend was narcissistic and after the evening they spent together she was even more convinced. So she started to feel a little bad for her friend's husband. So she gently confronted him, letting him know that she didn't agree with how her friend...

...was treating him. Here's the kicker. Much to her surprise, the husband minimized the event and said that his wife's comments were not that humiliating. He said that there were times when his wife was so much worse and that what she saw at dinner was mild by comparison. So his response really confused Katrina. Um And she watched and waited to see just how much worse things could get at another gathering. Her friend even through an object at her husband twisted the truth to make her husband look bad and even called him names in front of other people. After seeing the dismayed look on her on the husband's face, Katrina again confronted him and again he defended his wife. Now Katrina was really befuddled by this and so she went to the internet,...

...which is how you got here most likely. And what she found was the term trauma bonding, which is loyalty and continued commitment to an abusive person. Despite intolerable treatment in the case of trauma bonding to a narcissist, there tends to be a persistent denial of the problem, even when others bring the evidence to light. So how does this happen to someone? Well, let's go through how this actually works. First of all, there's an ignorance of abusive tactics. Most people are conditioned to believe that abuse requires some sort of physical mark and can only happen to uneducated people, But there are seven main categories of abuse, physical, emotional, verbal, mental, sexual,...

...financial and spiritual. And most studies show that abuses prevalent in all socio economic groups, in different cultures, different intelligence levels and ages, Thinking that it can't happen to me is usually the easiest way to fall prey to an abusive person. So the first problem is that the people involved are ignorant of abusive tactics. The 2nd is an attractive abuser. Narcissists are famous for looking good in front of others with their charming personality and generally attractive appearance during the initial engagement with the Narcissus, they tend to become everything the other person is looking for in a partner they love bomb the person with generous amounts of affection, attention and even gifts. The prospective partner...

...believes that this is the real person, but it's not and this is the shell game that only lasts so long, which is why they move into a relationship very quickly and try to make it permanent as soon as possible. It's not uncommon for me to see people married within 3-6 months of having met their narcissistic partner. Initial angry outburst is the next step in the beginning. When the narcissist explodes, it seems so out of character. So the partner easily accepts the narcissistic explanation of blame shifting as an excuse for their behavior. Slowly, the narcissist starts to criticize their partner by saying you make me so mad. The partner desperately wanting things to return...

...back to the initial encounter, molds themselves into whatever the narcissist says they need. Unfortunately, one transformation is not enough and the narcissist begins to demand more and more. Okay, so we've done the very early stages, there's an ignorance of abuse tactics, there's an attractive abuser meaning the narcissist and then there are initial angry outbursts. Here's where it starts to get more difficult because it becomes addictive. The harder it is to please a narcissist, the harder the partner tries achieving some small token of gratification becomes a drug of sorts. The partner gets a high out of obtaining even small amounts of the love bombing from before. It's really no different than being addicted to a drug. The first trip is...

...always the best and every trip after that fails by comparison and yet the person is so hooked, they keep trying over and over, the partner becomes unable to see their own fall in this very downward spiral. So this is where the love bombing becomes dangerous because it becomes addictive. Unfortunately, those addictions have rewards and they have consequences. Mhm. The reward of an addiction in this case, the addiction being pleasing the narcissist is a release of the happy hormone dopamine. This feeling of euphoria can make a person feel they can do anything. By contrast, the consequence of an addiction when the narcissist becomes abusive is the flooding of the stress hormone cortisol. This puts a person in fight flight,...

...freeze or faint mode and diminishes a person's ability to even think straight. It takes approximately 36-72 hours for a person to fully recover once his hormone has been released into the body. Yeah, so it becomes an addiction, addiction's have rewards and consequences. Next, the addiction is hidden from the addict because the partner is not taking a drug, it is very hard to identify that they are even caught in an addictive cycle. This is why the abuse fog becomes so dense and the person is unable to see what is actually happening, even when confronted by others outside of the relationship, they still struggled to see what is occurring. Plus the narcissist tends to...

...isolate the partner from anyone in everyone who might be a threat to them. This makes leaving even harder. So the very first phase remember was ignorance of tactics, then an attractive abuser and then initial burst of anger where it takes a turn is when it becomes addictive, the addictions have rewards and consequences. The addiction is hidden from the addict and now here's the bad part, an inability to detach even when the partner wakes up and tries to leave, the narcissist pulls back, pulls them back with promises of returning things to the former existence. Because the Narcissus has an intense fear of abandonment, they cannot allow a person close to them to leave and they will do say and fake...

...just about anything to keep their partner in the relationship, the mask of the narcissist former self comes out but once again and it is short lived. As soon as the partner has returned, the mask is smashed as the partner is even now more ensnared, the last is addicted to the mask. Even when times get bad, the addiction to the mask of the Narcissist is so strong Now after all of the reinforcement, the fear that life can never be as good without the mask of the narcissist traps the partner into stain. Just the thought of leaving again causes panic attacks, depression and even suicidal thoughts. The darker person gets, the harder it is to take action to leave, which is exactly what bounds them to the narcissist.

So this is how we wind up in love bombing, This is the entrapment cycle, this is what it looks like when somebody's there. It starts off by being ignorant of abuse tactics, having an attractive abuser and then initial angry outbursts. It turns when it becomes addictive. Those addictions have rewards and consequences and the addiction is hidden from the addict and then where it really deteriorates is the inability to detach and now there's an addiction to the mask. So just like you, Katrina started to understand what was happening to her friend's husband. So she started to develop a different strategy. Instead of trying to wake him up, she came alongside him and offered her friendship to him instead of his wife. This allowed him to feel more...

...comfortable with her and he eventually confessed his frustration when Katrina revealed to him her discovery of trauma bonding, He finally took action and began to see a counselor. I hope this helps you, I hope this helps you to realize what can happen not only to yourself but to other people when they're entrapped by the by the narcissist. Don't let this happen to you. Be aware beyond guard. Thanks for listening to understanding today's Narcissist with Christine Hammond brought to you in part by psych central dot com. For more information, visit grow with Christine dot com.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (91)