Understanding Today's Narcissist
Understanding Today's Narcissist

Episode 10 · 2 years ago

Narcissistic Abuse: Cyberbullying and Cyberstalking

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Shirley thought that the abuse from her narcissistic husband would be over after the divorce was finalized. But it wasn’t. Instead, he found a new way to harass, embarrass, and torment her. He began to cyberbully and cyberstalk.

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...to grow with Christine dotcom forward slash narcissism. That's grow with Christine dot com, forward slash narcissism. This master class will change your life again. That's grow with Christine Dot Com. Forward, slash narcissism. Oh this is understanding. Today's narcissist brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom and now here's your host, Christine Hammond. So today we're going to talk about another type of narcissistic abuse, which is cyber bullying in cyberstalking, and I'm talking about this because I got a comment from someone who asked me to actually do this discussion...

...and to do a podcast on what it looks like and what cyber bullying in cyberstalking is for a narcissist. So if you are in a situation similar to this, or you have a comment that you want to make to me, or you want me to focus on a subject, please reach out to me. I am more than happy to pick up a topic and go with it and do some research, because what I found about cyber bullying and cyberstalking, I got to be honest with you, is pretty scary even to me. So let's talk about this. We're in talking about Shirley. She thought that the abuse from her narcissistic husband was actually going to be over once the divorce was finalized, but it wasn't. Instead, he actually found a new way to harass, embarrass and even torture her. He began to cyber bully and cyberstock. She noticed at first that he was liking or using the angry face...

...on her facebook post. When she didn't respond, he made a sarcastic comment. Even after she would delete his comments, he would make another one worse than the one before. So then she blocked him. But then he started following her friends and family and commenting on their post, making derogatory comments about Shirley, the worst of which was she doesn't deserve to be happy or alive. Yeah, that's how bad it got. So when her friends blocked him, he began creating fake profiles to friend her friends. Then he would post pictures, memes and comments that were demeaning about Shirley, both directly and indirectly. He made up stories about her and told secrets from her past, posting it on her friend's wall. He just would not stop. So surely on...

...all facebook and began using instagram, but the same thing happened. She switched a snapchat. It happened again. Every social media platform that she enjoyed. He would find her, stalk her, bully her and her friends. It felt like a haunting. She was scared. Finally, she left all social medium but when her friends would innocently tag her on social media in a photo at an event. Now he began appearing in person. Since he was no longer able to cyber bully her, he began cyber stalking her. He began sending her emails with pictures of where she had been the week before. He said he was gathering information about her to prove to everyone that she was a fraud. In everything he did, he did just enough not to be charged...

...with anything, yet still enough to torment her. Shirley was confused, frightened and horrified by the experience. She went to the police, only to discover that he hadn't made any threats that would constitute filing charges. This is different in every place, so pleased, don't neglect talk to the police. She is lost. It was more abused now than in her marriage. Desperate to regain some control, she began seeking answers to her questions. So we're going to go over Shirley's questions that she had. Why is he doing this? So when a narcissist feels abandoned, the hurt strikes them at their deepest levels of insecurity. All of the bravado and grandiosity of the narcissism is just a cover up to this deep rooted insecurity, which is protected by whatever means necessary.

Part of the reason for the severe attack is that the narcissist feels vulnerable and is striking first. By beating down the misperceived opponent first, the narcissist wears them down so that they can then not attack. Unfortunately. That's the reason why he was doing this. So what is fueling this? narcissists need attention for survival. For them, all attention is good, even when a person is angry with them. When attention cannot be gotten in person, social media is a great second best. This feeds the narcissistic ego and keeps them at the center of attention. In this case, just knowing that Shirley was worried about the next bullying or stalking fueled her ex to keep going. After...

...all, he was still the main focus of her attention, even though it was negative. It helps to think of this as a giant two year old throwing a temper tantrum. They don't care whether the attention is positive or negative. As long as they get it. So that's what's fueling this, their need for attention. So what is this? Simply put, cyber bullying is using electronic devices and or APPS. Usually it is repetitive, aggressive and intentional comments that are difficult for the victim to mount any kind of defense. Some examples can include you're an idiot, or you will never succeed, or nobody cares about you. These comments are designed to hurt, embarrass or annoy the...

...victim. These remarks can happen in a public forum or through private messaging APPs. It is not unusual for a perpetrator to solicit others to participate and the cyber bullying to further terrorize the victim. So that's what cyberbullying is. How is this mental abuse? Well, actually, this can be more than mental abuse. It can be emotional because there's fear, confusion and anger. It's mental through mind games and twisting the truth. It can be verbal through harassing statements than name calling, threatening in it. It can even be physical through stalking, intimidation and aggression. The level of escalation depends on the perpetrator and how far they're willing to go to badge their victim. Whatever the type,...

...this abuse is done to control the victim and their behavior, to isolate them from friends and family and to cause them to feel like this will never end and, unfortunately, to perpetuate a feeling of dependency. So that's how this is abusive. Can I get worse? Yes, unfortunately. CYBERSTALKING is an example of how this escalates. This is a more intense form of cyberbullying where electronic devices is in or their APPs are used to harass, intimidate or stock and individual. Sometimes, as events are happening, there may be false accusations, derogatory comments, name calling, threats or insults, in combination with gathering information, monitoring whereabouts or tracking locations. Sometimes the statements can seem innocent,...

...such as I didn't know you knew that person, or I hope you had a good time out with your friends, but to the victim these are further indications of stalking behavior. It is important to note that cyberstalking is illegal in many states, but it can be very difficult to prove so it is very helpful to get some advice from a legal standing if you are the victim of cyberstalking. So what happens to the victim, and all of this well in the case mentioned above, for Sureley, where the victim has already experienced other forms of abuse within the marriage, this was particularly frightening. The intent of the divorce was to get away from her ex abuser, but now he has found another means for harassment. It is not uncommon for the victim, surely,...

...to experience even lower self esteem, some suicidal ideation, frustration, panic, depression, paranoia or even terror. Of course, this is exactly what the narcissistants for the person who hurt them to be hurt. So what can be done? The most important step is to be aware of what is happening and what could happen in the future. Knowing the different forms of cyber stocking is essential to protecting your privacy. Shirley told a couple of her friends and family members what was happening to her. She then got them to help her monitor any communication for a while so that she was no longer receiving direct communication from him. When our x realized that he was no longer getting her attention,...

...he backed away. Over time, things improved and then escalated again when Shirley got married, but as soon as she re established her boundaries, let others handle her communication and refuse to give him any attention. He went away again. So this is a really important subject. You need to understand what cyber bullying, in cyberstocking looks like, especially in the hands of a narcissist. This is a very easy tactic for people to do and it's very difficult to prove that somebody's doing it to you. But if you feel like you are the victim of such things, please reach out for help. Please have somebody look over your messages. Please have somebody else monitor your social media so that you are not just stuck inside your head thinking that you're making something up or you're making a bigger deal out of something than you need to. Don't listen to what the narcissist is said in this case, rather, listen to what an independent third party is saying to you. Please make sure you get...

...some help. It is very important because these things often don't stop until the narcissist gets what they want, which is attention, even if it comes in a negative form. Thanks for listening to understanding today's narcissist with Christine Hammond, brought to you in part by Psych Centralcom for more information visits grow with Christine dotcom.

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